“It’s that time of year/ when the world falls in love/ every
song you hear seems to say” we’re getting married! Yes, it is the season for
weddings. Pinterest has become the 21st centuries answer to the hope
chest and Facebook has become one giant countdown clock to that special day. I’m
thinking of starting my own countdown for just random things like – only 6 more
days until the milk expires and the bread goes bad! When you live alone it’s
the little things that excite you, like, for instance, using an entire carton
of milk when you don’t drink milk on its own. So, yes, I too am counting things
down.
Ok, back to the blog. It seems as if this year’s brides are
the youngest ever. No, wait, scratch that, I’m just getting older! Due to my
age and extreme maturity I’m frequently asked/told/cried to – all my friends
are getting married what do I do? Or, will it ever happen to me? Well, here’s
my best advice. Do you remember the passage at the end of the book of John that
has nothing to do with being single or weddings or marriage? Let me remind you.
Basically what happens is that following the resurrection Jesus comes to Peter
and some of the other guys who are out fishing and then Jesus gives them
breakfast which is extremely cool and is actually making me hungry. (As a side
note I do have milk in the fridge that has not gone bad so breakfast may be
happening while I type.) The breakfast hasn’t anything to do with how this
passage fits in I’m just giving you some background. (Hey, I’m jet lagged and
hungry!) After breakfast Jesus and Peter have this whole moment about feeding the
sheep and a call is once again issued to Peter to follow Christ. It’s sort of a
no matter what type thing – will you follow me. But, Peter being Peter, he has
a question, “What about John?” Jesus says to him, “If I want him to remain alive
until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” Now, all of that to
make this one point: If God wants every single person that you know to be
married except you then what is that to you? God has a plan and it’s still at
work and the plan for you is to follow Christ – single or married. To
paraphrase, “God, what about insert-name-here? Why is she getting married and I’m
not?” And the reply comes, “What’s it to you if she gets married and you don’t?
You must follow me.”
That’s my best advice. Keep following no matter what.
However, just for fun I’ve included some extra bits of advice to help you out
as you attend weddings this season. (There’s a completely different set of
advice if you’re finding yourself at the end of college and playing the always the
bridesmaid and never the bride role. Really the best thing there is to simply
move out of the country and not be available for the wedding season.) Some of
this advice should be passed on to the married population.
Sarah’s Guide for the Wedding Season:
1. It’s okay to cry
Contrary to popular belief single people can cry at weddings
simply because (A) the bride looks beautiful, (B) we’re truly happy for the
couple, or (C) we’re allergic to the flowers. If you see a single person tear
up at a wedding do NOT assume it’s because they are wallowing in self pity in
public. “Ooh, I bet she’s wishing it would happen to her.” Umm, most of us have
more pride than that and will wait until we get home from the wedding and have
opened a pint of ice cream before we take just a moment for ourselves.
2. I don’t want your bouquet
Due to the fact that I have readers who may not be familiar
with this fantastic American wedding tradition let me explain. Towards the end
of the reception someone long ago decided what would be a great idea is to call
all the single women from toddlers to those still able to walk unassisted to
come and form a semi circle and then the bride would toss her bouquet over her
shoulder and whoever catches it will, wink wink, be the next bride. The
originators of this custom apparently set down and thought what would be the
most embarrassing thing we could possibly do to our single friends and this is
what they came up with.
Here’s the advice – your friend knows she’s single and that’s
probably why she ran to the restroom when they started forming the circle.
Married people you don’t need to go find her and/or shout across the room, “Get
on up there!” As much as I love your flowers – really, they looked gorgeous – I
don’t want them nor do I want to stand up with children and play catch at your
wedding. So next time take note – if your single friend doesn’t move on her own
to catch the bouquet then take the cue and don’t mention it. Fellow singles be
alert anticipate its coming and leave the room ahead of time!
3. Come prepared
The worst thing about weddings is that people feel the need
the say awkward things to those who are single. Things like – it’ll be your
turn soon, or some day when you’re the bride…, or how are you making it today? Do
weddings make you sad? So the best thing is to practice a few confused facial expressions
that can accompany your responses. I like to act like I have no idea what we’re
talking about. For instance, in response to “it’ll be your turn next” I might
say “I sure hope I’m next this line for cake is taking forever.” I find it
throws people off. Be gracious to those who haven’t a clue, but remember that a
stupid comment or question deserves a like reply!
4. Be happy for your friends
To my single readers - If you can’t be happy for your friend
who is getting married then you are the worst friend ever. Seriously. The whole
world doesn’t revolve around your personal happiness nor should your friends
walk on eggshells around you afraid that their happiness will upset you and
make you feel more alone. Get over yourself and be happy for him/her/them.
Ultimately, a wedding is a beautiful thing. It’s two people
coming together to commit themselves to each other and to God. In this world
that we live in they need all the support they can get from family and friends
to help them honor that commitment. I know I need my friends to help support me
in the life that God has given me and I want to be a help and encourager to my
married friends as well.
Bottom Line: Get dressed up, go to the wedding, cry if you
want to, catch or don’t catch the bouquet, have your witty response ready and
enjoy the day. What’s it to you if all your friends get married? Your
responsibility is to follow Christ.
