Confession 16: Being Sick is Awful

I live alone and I love it. It’s peaceful and quiet and everything is in its exact place at all times - because wherever I put it is where it stays until I move it again! I do things at my own pace and in my own way. I don’t need to ask anyone before I do something - I just do it! No second calendars/schedules/plans to check with. If I want to buy new furniture/bedding/clothing there’s no one to consult - I just buy it! I love the life I lead. 

But, there are two times and situations when I don’t like living alone. The first one is when I can’t open something. I had serious thoughts the other day of throwing a brand new jar of salsa onto the tile floor with some force and then eating around the glass. But, I am woman, and I tapped and twisted and got out towels and hit the edges and emerged victorious, albeit with very sore hands, 5 minutes after I commenced trying to open said jar. 

The second time is when I’m sick. There is, quite frankly, nothing worse than being sick and alone. It’s not the actual loneliness that makes it so awful it’s the fact that you begin to think you might actually die from lack of nutrition because the thought of getting into an upright position, walking anywhere further than from the bed to the toilet, and then having to smell food while cooking - well, to say the least, it just doesn’t appeal to you. So there’s no eating for days. 

Another horrible thing about being sick and alone is that there is no one to clean up “the sickness” except for you. I once got sick on myself and my car, and then had to drive myself home. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed once I arrived and have someone to take care of me, but first I had to clean the car, change my clothes, start the washing machine, etc. (I’m aware that this blog has taken a nose dive and has become truly disgusting, but there are multiple single people reading this and nodding their heads - you’ve been there!) Cleaning up while still sick is just wrong, yet necessary. 

You see, misery really does love company, and if for no other reason it’s because misery needs a cook, a cleaner, a water-getter, a dvd changer, and a blanket put over-er. 

With flu season upon us, and having dealt with more than my normal share of sickness this year, I have compiled a list of things to do in case of sickness while living alone. 

1. The first thing you should do is stock up now on cold/flu medicine. You’re not sick, you say? You never get sick? Oh, really. Well, the last thing you want to do this winter is wake up ill - so ill that the thought of putting on pants in order to drive to the store to buy medicine makes you even more nauseous - with the knowledge that you don’t have anything in the house to take that will make you feel better and you must, therefore, venture outside. You should avoid this scenario at all costs. Buy the cold and flu meds ahead of time. Trust me. 

2. At the first sign of sickness immediately go to the store and stock up on food that can be eaten directly from the package. Believe me when I say that even opening a can of soup to put into a pan and mix with milk and then stir over a hot stove until it boils is too exhausting when you’re truly sick. What you want are things like crackers, refrigerated soup that needs a microwave only, bread to make toast, cereal, etc. You might even make up a sandwich ahead of time and put it in the fridge! If there are more than 2 steps involved (step 1 being walk to the kitchen) then you don’t want it while sick. Take it from someone who knows - prepackaged/preprepared/ready to eat food is the way to go when sick.

3. Create a sick station in your house. Go ahead and pull out the blankets, the extra box of kleenex, get a trash can close, and a bottle of water at the ready. Maybe pull a favorite book, preload the DVD player, and keep the laptop handy. Fill up the coffee table with all the necessary items so that you don’t have to go looking for it all while dizzy from pain meds. Now you’re ready to be sick.

4. In the event that you begin to slowly feel sick rather than a wake up in the night kind of sickness or if you need to recover from a pending surgery/procedure think through your list of local friends. Have you upset any of them recently? Done a good deed that could possibly now be returned? You’re going to need some friends so make sure they aren’t all mad at you! Then begin working your way down the list. It’s important to sound as sick/frail/pathetic as possible on the phone when you explain that you’re alone and sick and haven’t eaten in 3 days and have no way to get to the pharmacy to pick up the prescription. I was sick a few months ago and couldn’t have made it without a friend dropping in to check on me twice a day. I speak from experience here - keep your friends close and on good terms.

5. If you begin to feel sick and live anywhere near your mom then forget the above list and just get in the car and try and make it home. You should probably be praying the whole time that you don’t have to pull over on the side of the road before you get there! There’s nothing like having your mom when sick. As a friend said to me - sometimes you just need your mom to take one look at you and declare, “poor baby, let me get you something to make you feel better.” And whether that’s medication, a glass of water with a straw (who else but a mom has straws on hand?), a blanket, or a homemade oatmeal cookie - mom’s just make us feel better.

Bottom line: Living alone rocks until you’re sick so be prepared. Hope you all stay healthy this season!

Confession 15: I Love a Good Compliment

Recently I was in Wal-Mart. Now, you have to know that I hate Wal-Mart. Despise it actually. It’s a place I avoid like the plague. But, a new neighborhood market had opened up so I stopped by to pick up a few things. The weekend before I had bought a new outfit and was feeling fairly good about it. That feeling was escalated when a middle aged man re-stocking the tomatoes commented on said outfit. I walked pretty tall throughout the rest of the day, and then proceeded to wear that exact same thing twice more that week! Why, you ask, did I care what the slightly creepy Wal-Mart produce man said? Because when you’re single and you live alone and you’re in your 30’s you’ll take a compliment anywhere you can get it - regardless of the source! 

This got me thinking. Words are such a powerful thing. How we feel about ourselves can rise and fall with what others say about us or on what others don’t say about us. And for women we take great stock in what the other sex has to say about us and to us. We live for compliments. Now, we’d never admit to that because it of course makes us appear quite shallow. However, who among us doesn’t want to know that someone else finds us attractive, witty, smart, funny, beautiful, etc.? We all do. We crave compliments. 

The problem with craving compliments and being single (or being married to someone who withholds kind words) is that we rarely hear compliments that aren’t of the “I love your bag where did you get it” variety from other women. I’m sure many of you reading this are of drop-dead gorgeous stock and are beating off the lines of men after you with a stick, but I’m so rarely complimented on how I look or am dressed that when it does happen I get so flustered that I don’t even remember how to accept a compliment. In the second and a half that follows I tend to convince myself that this is a joke and then say in a super sarcastic voice, “whatever.” By the way, this is not the way to get complimented again!

So where are we compliment starved singles supposed to hear these wonderful words of approval, encouragement, and affirmation? Well, I’ve been spending a lot of time hanging out in the produce section - I may or may not be joking. 

I heard a song for the first time last month and it’s been playing over and over in my mind and taking root in my heart. A few of the words are, “He [God] whispers in my ear, tells me that I am fearless....and it makes me whole.” The chorus says, “I am all He says I am, I am all He says I am ... and He says I am His own.”* This has been blessing me in such a powerful way. It’s easy to get caught up in wondering what others think of me and yet God has already said some powerful things to me. God says that I am beautiful - because I am fearfully and wonderfully made in His own image. God says that I belong to Him - because He bought me at the price of His son’s blood. When I take the time to listen and to hear from God I find that He has all sorts of things to say to me. God wants to speak to my heart and minister His love, His approval, His encouragement, His affirmation to me and to you as well. You are all that God says you are - let that sink in - and God says that you are His. 

Now, is this the same as hearing complimentary words from some living, breathing, real life human being who you want to notice you? Not at all. Does it take the place of being told, by the opposite sex, that you are attractive? Nope. Then how does this help? Because in those moments when you want so badly to belong, to be loved, and to be seen by someone - anyone - that’s when our incredible, loving God, gently whispers to us - You are mine and mine alone and I will be with you in the loneliness and I will love you with a jealous love that will make all others pale in comparison. And after you try and explain again to God that it’s still not the same you’ll find (I hope) a peace in this knowledge that you are all He says you are. 

Bottom line: I wore the same outfit 3 times in one week because a stranger spoke to me and I now enjoy Wal-Mart for new reasons. We all want to know that someone thinks we’re beautiful/handsome (I’m always writing to girls!), but if you’ll allow God to speak to you He truly will satisfy the longings of your heart. “He says I am His own!”

*Taken from the song “All He Says I Am” by Cody Carnes

Confession 14: I Love a Good Wedding

“It’s that time of year/ when the world falls in love/ every song you hear seems to say” we’re getting married! Yes, it is the season for weddings. Pinterest has become the 21^st centuries answer to the hope chest and Facebook has become one giant countdown clock to that special day. I’m thinking of starting my own countdown for just random things like – only 6 more days until the milk expires and the bread goes bad! When you live alone it’s the little things that excite you, like, for instance, using an entire carton of milk when you don’t drink milk on its own. So, yes, I too am counting things down.

Ok, back to the blog. It seems as if this year’s brides are the youngest ever. No, wait, scratch that, I’m just getting older! Due to my age and extreme maturity I’m frequently asked/told/cried to – all my friends are getting married what do I do? Or, will it ever happen to me? Well, here’s my best advice. Do you remember the passage at the end of the book of John that has nothing to do with being single or weddings or marriage? Let me remind you. Basically what happens is that following the resurrection Jesus comes to Peter and some of the other guys who are out fishing and then Jesus gives them breakfast which is extremely cool and is actually making me hungry. (As a side note I do have milk in the fridge that has not gone bad so breakfast may be happening while I type.) The breakfast hasn’t anything to do with how this passage fits in I’m just giving you some background. (Hey, I’m jet lagged and hungry!) After breakfast Jesus and Peter have this whole moment about feeding the sheep and a call is once again issued to Peter to follow Christ. It’s sort of a no matter what type thing – will you follow me. But, Peter being Peter, he has a question, “What about John?” Jesus says to him, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” Now, all of that to make this one point: If God wants every single person that you know to be married except you then what is that to you? God has a plan and it’s still at work and the plan for you is to follow Christ – single or married. To paraphrase, “God, what about insert-name-here? Why is she getting married and I’m not?” And the reply comes, “What’s it to you if she gets married and you don’t? You must follow me.”

That’s my best advice. Keep following no matter what. However, just for fun I’ve included some extra bits of advice to help you out as you attend weddings this season. (There’s a completely different set of advice if you’re finding yourself at the end of college and playing the always the bridesmaid and never the bride role. Really the best thing there is to simply move out of the country and not be available for the wedding season.) Some of this advice should be passed on to the married population.

Sarah’s Guide for the Wedding Season:

1. It’s okay to cry

Contrary to popular belief single people can cry at weddings simply because (A) the bride looks beautiful, (B) we’re truly happy for the couple, or (C) we’re allergic to the flowers. If you see a single person tear up at a wedding do NOT assume it’s because they are wallowing in self pity in public. “Ooh, I bet she’s wishing it would happen to her.” Umm, most of us have more pride than that and will wait until we get home from the wedding and have opened a pint of ice cream before we take just a moment for ourselves.

2. I don’t want your bouquet

Due to the fact that I have readers who may not be familiar with this fantastic American wedding tradition let me explain. Towards the end of the reception someone long ago decided what would be a great idea is to call all the single women from toddlers to those still able to walk unassisted to come and form a semi circle and then the bride would toss her bouquet over her shoulder and whoever catches it will, wink wink, be the next bride. The originators of this custom apparently set down and thought what would be the most embarrassing thing we could possibly do to our single friends and this is what they came up with.

Here’s the advice – your friend knows she’s single and that’s probably why she ran to the restroom when they started forming the circle. Married people you don’t need to go find her and/or shout across the room, “Get on up there!” As much as I love your flowers – really, they looked gorgeous – I don’t want them nor do I want to stand up with children and play catch at your wedding. So next time take note – if your single friend doesn’t move on her own to catch the bouquet then take the cue and don’t mention it. Fellow singles be alert anticipate its coming and leave the room ahead of time!

3. Come prepared

The worst thing about weddings is that people feel the need the say awkward things to those who are single. Things like – it’ll be your turn soon, or some day when you’re the bride…, or how are you making it today? Do weddings make you sad? So the best thing is to practice a few confused facial expressions that can accompany your responses. I like to act like I have no idea what we’re talking about. For instance, in response to “it’ll be your turn next” I might say “I sure hope I’m next this line for cake is taking forever.” I find it throws people off. Be gracious to those who haven’t a clue, but remember that a stupid comment or question deserves a like reply!

4. Be happy for your friends

To my single readers - If you can’t be happy for your friend who is getting married then you are the worst friend ever. Seriously. The whole world doesn’t revolve around your personal happiness nor should your friends walk on eggshells around you afraid that their happiness will upset you and make you feel more alone. Get over yourself and be happy for him/her/them.

Ultimately, a wedding is a beautiful thing. It’s two people coming together to commit themselves to each other and to God. In this world that we live in they need all the support they can get from family and friends to help them honor that commitment. I know I need my friends to help support me in the life that God has given me and I want to be a help and encourager to my married friends as well.

Bottom Line: Get dressed up, go to the wedding, cry if you want to, catch or don’t catch the bouquet, have your witty response ready and enjoy the day. What’s it to you if all your friends get married? Your responsibility is to follow Christ.  

Confession 13: Singles Can Build Nests if They Want To

Recently I found myself in a conversation with a married person who began telling me how difficult her life has been while living out of suitcases and boxes for the last several months. She said she just couldn't wait to settle down in one place and stop living out of the suitcase. She chalked it up to “nesting.” The next words out of her mouth were, “That sort of living is fine when you’re single or in college, but, I don’t know, I guess once you’re married it’s just not fun anymore.” I had so many responses forming in my mind, but I think I went with something extremely profound like, “hmm, really.” I felt it was the best thing I could say because I could feel my blood boiling and I knew I was getting angry. Instead I chose to memorize the conversation so that I could blog about it later! But, here’s an outline of what I wanted to say.

I. Do you have any idea who you’re talking to? You’re really going to tell me how hard it is to live out of a suitcase when I do it for up to 4 months at a time?

II. Did you really just compare singles to college students? Or were you just lumping us all in together? How old do you think I am? Because maybe there’s actually a compliment in there somewhere and I’m the kind of person who will take a compliment any where I can get one.

III. Are you saying that only married people desire a home? That having a home and creating a warm environment and taking pride in the way we decorate said home is something that only happens once you get married and that the rest of us prefer to live on used furniture? (Do you feel the heat and sense that my blood pressure is rising?)

See, point III is simply not true, and it makes me angry that people seem to wrongly assume that parts of that ultra long, run-on sentence are somehow valid. And, now you know why I bit my tongue super hard when it came my turn to comment.

This brings me to nesting. You oftentimes hear this word “nesting” in reference to pregnant women, but when I went to Google it I found that it really just refers to building or occupying a nest (well, if you’re a bird) or it can mean creating and settling into a warm and secure refuge. In other words it’s about creating a home. Granted, most Google searches do bring up lists of expecting mothers type results, but that’s what the term has morphed into and not what it was originally about.

I’m not a mom, nor am I expecting to be one, but I am still a woman who desires to make my home into a warm and secure refuge both for myself and for others. There is something so wonderful about home. Many years ago I found myself longing for a home of my own, and a house where I could actually spend my time. I’ve sort of been a nomad since high school graduation, and I wanted to settle into a place where I could unpack my suitcase from time to time. This was during the years that Matt Redman’s song, Better is One Day, was wildly popular. The song is based on Psalm 84. I remember praying to the Lord about this desire to have a home – I suppose I was nesting – and one night in a service where I was leading worship I began to sing this song and God spoke so clearly to me that I began singing the song in a different way. The chorus says, “Better is one day in Your house, better is one day in Your courts, better is one day in Your house than thousands elsewhere.” And that word “elsewhere” began to mean any other home including my own. I began to sing with such conviction and such understanding that regardless of where I lived or how I lived (packed in a suitcase or unpacked) what I truly desired above all else was to serve God and be wherever He was. I truly meant it that night, and every day after, that I would rather serve God and be a doorkeeper in His house than have a home of my own.

A few years later God blessed me with a beautiful home. I’m still a nomad and I still live out of a suitcase most of the time, but I do have a place to call my own. It’s a warm and secure refuge, but not as safe and secure as the refuge I have found in God. Just last week my wonderful parents came and helped me do some things around the house. It’s so nice and now it’s even more warm and secure that I really have no desire to leave. Ever. But, as nice as it is, how much lovelier is the dwelling place of the Lord Almighty (Psalm 84:1). And that verse goes on to say, “Blessed are those whose strength is in you,    whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.” So I’ll travel on to new places and other homes.

We all desire a place of our own. A place we can call home. That feeling is not exclusive to those who are married. It’s a universal, human feeling. I’m glad that God has blessed me with a beautiful home, but I’m even more glad that He’s gone to prepare a home for me in Heaven. I’m glad I’ll spend eternity with Him in His house. I suppose in a weird way God used that aggravating conversation to remind me that I am nesting. I’m cleaning out things from my life and moving things around so that when it comes time for God to birth something new in my life I’ll be ready.

Bottom line – I’m not a bird, I’m not pregnant, I’m not even married, but I am nesting and longing for home – a home in heaven where I’ll dwell for eternity with my God and my Savior.  

Not a Confession Just an FYI

Many of you have commented that when you read the blog you can hear me saying it in your head. Which is sort of creepy to think that I'm in your head for any length of time. Nonetheless, I know what you mean! So, if you'd really like to hear me you can click on this link and download a message I preached last week. The sermon was based on the blogs that you've been reading. Look for April 22 - Confessions of a Single Thirty-Something. Happy Listening!

Confession 12: I Love to Travel

I travel on a full time basis. I enjoy traveling and seeing new places; revisiting much loved cities and being with friends around the world. I don’t mind traveling alone either. It’s quite nice and I can go at my own pace. My travels have mostly been in Europe where I’ve seen the Eiffel Tower, the coliseum, and Mars Hill in Athens. I’ve seen the Mediterranean and where the apostle Paul was shipwrecked in Malta. I’ve seen the beauty of Prague and the majestic Alps, and the Berlin wall. I’ve also visited the Taj Mahal and the Sea of Galilee. The one place I’ve never been though is “out there,” and that’s the place where I really want to go.

You see “out there” is where God, in a completely uncharacteristic way, is hiding and keeping my perfect mate away from me. (See the last blog for my thoughts on perfection!)  I’ve heard countless times that somewhere “out there” God has someone for me. I’ve been told that he is just “out there” waiting for me. It’s even been suggested that I should go “out there” and find him and stop waiting for him to come to me. However, no matter how much I travel I just can’t seem to find this secret land called Out There. In fact, I’m starting to think it’s not even real.

There are a lot of fun facts about “out there” namely that only single people seem to live there, yet, interestingly enough, no one in “out there” seems to marry. If you live there you remain single forever. Weird isn’t it? Also, it seems that you cannot enter or leave this place whenever you want, but in a Narnia type way you have to wait for a secret passage way to open up to you.

This whole blog is rather absurd and ridiculous but so is suggesting to your single friends that the only other potential mates left to them are hiding and/or residing in vague places like “out there.” God knows where I live and where I am each day of the month – He keeps up with my schedule in a way that my own father cannot. God is not hidden from us and so, therefore, I have a hard time believing that God is hiding people from us either. God has a lot to do and I just really don’t think He spends His time keeping me away from the “right” person. Do you?

My real thought about traveling alone to destinations unseen (such as “out there”) is that God has set me on a journey – me and Him. Yes, traveling alone can be frustrating and lonely at times. It can wear you down and make you question God’s plan, but it has its good moments too.

The other day I took an unplanned journey by train. There were 4 unmarked train tracks and my train departed from track 5. Can you feel my confusion? I asked several times which track was for Budapest and finally found the right track. In the process of crossing over 3 other train tracks though I lost hold of the bags and they fell causing me to break 2 fingernails (life is so hard) and look like a complete idiot. It was not my finest hour. So now I’m about to climb into the train and the plan was to throw the laptop bag to the top of the steps and then pick up the suitcase and climb the steps with it. However, when I went to throw the laptop bag to the top the man in front of me reached out and grabbed it. I said thank you and went for the suitcase but before I could pick it up this same man grabbed it and lifted it to the top of the stairs and onto the train. He led me to a seat and placed my bags there and then walked on. The bags are quite heavy and I was so grateful to have had this man’s help. I set down and felt the Lord saying that in the same way He’ll take my heavy burdens if I’ll lift them up to Him.

Life is a journey and it’s too tiring to carry around bags of regret and frustration and bitterness about being single and never finding this person “out there”. So I don’t carry them. Living a single life isn’t easy but I don’t have to bear it alone. I can lift my burdens to God and let Him carry them.

Bottom line – “Out there” doesn’t really exist (gasp, shock), but adventure along the journey of life does. Get rid of what’s weighing you down and keeping you back from living the incredible life God has planned for you. Happy travels!

Confession 11: I Am Not Perfect

One of my favorite movies as a child (who am I kidding – it’s still a favorite) was Mary Poppins. I love everything about Mary Poppins. When she first comes to the Banks home she pulls out a measuring tape and measures Jane and Michael, but it’s a strange tape in that it doesn’t give their height as expected. When the children ask her to measure herself she obliges and then reads, “Mary Poppins – practically perfect in every way.” Ah, perfection! Who doesn’t want to be perfect?

I’ve discovered over the years that I’m no Mary Poppins – for one my love of children doesn’t even begin to reach hers – and two I’m simply not perfect in any way nor have I perfected any one skill. I’m a slightly above average singer but I hit as many wrong notes as I do right ones so I would hardly call that perfection. I’m a pretty good speaker and communicator, but with this same mouth I say horrible, sarcastic things so I can’t say that I’m perfect at that either. The book of James says, “If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man.” All of this leads me to believe that I am in no way perfect.

And yet I frequently hear that God has the perfect person for me. Really? I mean don’t get me wrong I’m delighted, humbled really, that God would choose to create a perfect person and then pair him up with such an imperfect person like myself, but I find it a little hard to believe. Now before you start saying something along the lines of – no one’s perfect we mean perfect for you - I’m   going to need to further address a few things. First of all, what does that mean perfect for me? Perfect for me today means someone that meets all my qualifications of tax accountant, bag packer, trash taker outer, and chef. But tomorrow none of those things would be helpful to me and would no longer make that person “perfect for me.” Secondly, perfect for me makes me wonder what I am to him? I’ve already established that I’m not perfect so can I really expect that when I take all my imperfections and put them together that I’m now completely perfect for someone else? This seems unlikely. And lastly, if God’s going to all the trouble to make perfect people why couldn’t He just work a little harder on making me perfect rather than bringing perfect people into my life?

You see, I’m just not buying this perfect person bit. Like I said before I’m delighted that God is making such a person just for me and I can appreciate that He’s just putting the finishing touches on him (although really how long does that take?). I can even be thankful that God’s been hiding him away like David looking after sheep so that in His timing he can be brought forth as King of my home. (Yep, you sound just as stupid when you say these things to single people.) Yet at some point I just have to stop and say – what the heck are you people talking about? Perfection? You’re making this up!! Think about it. Do you actually know any perfect people? My guess is no. And yet as I read through the relationship status updates on Facebook and see people become single again I find that this platitude of, “Don’t worry. God has the perfect person for you out there,” is used time and time again. So obviously you are taking this by faith – you’ve never met a perfect person but you are still hoping there is one and that he will be the answer to your poor single friend’s quest for true love. Your faith is to be applauded, I suppose.

I’m not going for perfection. At 32 I’m just going for good enough. I’m not perfect and I think it’s a little unrealistic to think that someone else will be. So I think I will stop trying to find perfection in a person and rather focus on Jesus – the perfecter of my faith. This sounds like something I can do. I can keep my eyes on Jesus who does in fact have a perfect plan for my life. It’s a plan that has lots of twists and turns and to my way of thinking a lot of unaccounted for obstacles but it’s an incredible path and journey that in the end leads to perfection – Jesus. I didn’t expect the perfect plan to include being single (and if I weren’t typing then I’d cross my fingers that this isn’t the forever plan but it’s so hard to type with crossed fingers), but I’m okay with this plan if it keeps getting me closer to Jesus.

Bottom line: I’m not perfect, neither are you or your spouse – lovely as he/she is. God may have perfection out there somewhere for your life but it might not come in the way of a person. It might come in the way of a calling, a friendship, or an artfully crafted meal. So the next time a friends status changes from relationship to single try saying something remotely helpful like – That sucks (cause let’s be real – it does), but God’s perfect plan is still being worked out in your life.

Confession 10: Sometimes I Need to Rant

This blog began several months ago with my thoughts on being single in church and the difficulties found in being part of the body of Christ as a single person. I’m revisiting this thought about what it means to be part of the body of Christ. The reason being that it is an important issue and also because I was shouting from atop my soap box on this issue to a friend and then felt that everyone should have the privilege of hearing my rant!

Here’s how it started. I was recently talking with this friend of mine and she mentioned that at her church her pastor was not a fan of mixed age small groups. In fact, the pastor went so far as to suggest that teens would not want to engage with older people and that the idea wouldn’t be given any more thought and that small groups would remain age specific. I know of another church where on a Sunday morning there are multiple age specific services all over their facility but never are all ages represented in one service.

This got me thinking – we have a problem. (This is where my ranting begins.) There is nothing wrong with age specific ministries (such as youth group) nor is there a problem with gender specific ministries, but if the only time you ever come to church is to be with people your own age then we are failing as a “body.” What we’ve done is put all the arms together in one place and all the knees in another and left no place for the nose. That’s not a body operating together – that’s a collection of parts. It’s great for the arm (or arms) to come together and make sure it’s all oiled up and strengthened so that it can best serve the body but at some point it has to join the body in order to be used to its full capacity.

(The rant is now in full swing – my voice is getting louder and louder and I’m going to need some Advil what with all the shouting going on in my head.) We in the church like to think that everyone is following the same life time line. You attend children’s church until you’re 12. From 12 to 18 you go to youth group. At 18 you begin attending the college class and start helping with the youth. At 22 you enter the young adult group and when you’re 25 you join the young married small group. Then at 30 you stop going to an age specific class and you only attend the main Sunday service with the rest of the young families and middle age families. Following that season of life you enter the empty nest small group and finish off your church career with the retired group.

And therein lies the problem. (Oh the rant has reached a feverish pitch now!) What if your life doesn’t fit the happy Christian time line? Where do you go if you’re 23 and unmarried with a child? Where does the military wife of 35 attend while her husband is deployed? Where does the 29 year old single go? You’re not an arm or a leg and there’s no place in the body for you to belong. You don’t look like everyone else so you don’t fit. That’s not right! Church is for the misfits not only for the cookie cutter look alike family! (In my mind I’m actually shouting this line!)

(In a much calmer, explanatory voice) The body of Christ is also the family of God. In a family you are not all the same age. There’s a variety of ages in a family – what an odd family if everyone in it was 13 years old. We need the wisdom of grandparents, the maturity and corrective hands of parents, the energy of children, the charm of babies, the adventurous spirit of the teenager that are found in a real family to be present in the family of God – the church. We need to be able to come together at some point each week or every other week and rejoice together and mourn together and learn from each other.

The scripture says that we are to make His faithfulness known through all the generations. If I’m only with my own generation then how am I to know about God’s enduring faithfulness?

Bottom line is this: we need each other and especially we who are single need others to share and do life with. Don’t put me in a class of other singles and tell me I’m part of the family of God (okay, I’m yelling again). God’s family is neither completely single nor completely made of couples. God’s family is rich with a variety of ages, genders (well, just the 2 but you know what I mean), and marital status (or is that statuses - once I start ranting my grammar goes bad.) So if that’s what God’s family looks like then why doesn’t the church look the same?

And so ends my rant. Glad I got that off my chest!