Recently I was in Wal-Mart. Now, you have to know that I hate Wal-Mart. Despise it actually. It’s a place I avoid like the plague. But, a new neighborhood market had opened up so I stopped by to pick up a few things. The weekend before I had bought a new outfit and was feeling fairly good about it. That feeling was escalated when a middle aged man re-stocking the tomatoes commented on said outfit. I walked pretty tall throughout the rest of the day, and then proceeded to wear that exact same thing twice more that week! Why, you ask, did I care what the slightly creepy Wal-Mart produce man said? Because when you’re single and you live alone and you’re in your 30’s you’ll take a compliment anywhere you can get it - regardless of the source!
This got me thinking. Words are such a powerful thing. How we feel about ourselves can rise and fall with what others say about us or on what others don’t say about us. And for women we take great stock in what the other sex has to say about us and to us. We live for compliments. Now, we’d never admit to that because it of course makes us appear quite shallow. However, who among us doesn’t want to know that someone else finds us attractive, witty, smart, funny, beautiful, etc.? We all do. We crave compliments.
The problem with craving compliments and being single (or being married to someone who withholds kind words) is that we rarely hear compliments that aren’t of the “I love your bag where did you get it” variety from other women. I’m sure many of you reading this are of drop-dead gorgeous stock and are beating off the lines of men after you with a stick, but I’m so rarely complimented on how I look or am dressed that when it does happen I get so flustered that I don’t even remember how to accept a compliment. In the second and a half that follows I tend to convince myself that this is a joke and then say in a super sarcastic voice, “whatever.” By the way, this is not the way to get complimented again!
So where are we compliment starved singles supposed to hear these wonderful words of approval, encouragement, and affirmation? Well, I’ve been spending a lot of time hanging out in the produce section - I may or may not be joking.
I heard a song for the first time last month and it’s been playing over and over in my mind and taking root in my heart. A few of the words are, “He [God] whispers in my ear, tells me that I am fearless....and it makes me whole.” The chorus says, “I am all He says I am, I am all He says I am ... and He says I am His own.”* This has been blessing me in such a powerful way. It’s easy to get caught up in wondering what others think of me and yet God has already said some powerful things to me. God says that I am beautiful - because I am fearfully and wonderfully made in His own image. God says that I belong to Him - because He bought me at the price of His son’s blood. When I take the time to listen and to hear from God I find that He has all sorts of things to say to me. God wants to speak to my heart and minister His love, His approval, His encouragement, His affirmation to me and to you as well. You are all that God says you are - let that sink in - and God says that you are His.
Now, is this the same as hearing complimentary words from some living, breathing, real life human being who you want to notice you? Not at all. Does it take the place of being told, by the opposite sex, that you are attractive? Nope. Then how does this help? Because in those moments when you want so badly to belong, to be loved, and to be seen by someone - anyone - that’s when our incredible, loving God, gently whispers to us - You are mine and mine alone and I will be with you in the loneliness and I will love you with a jealous love that will make all others pale in comparison. And after you try and explain again to God that it’s still not the same you’ll find (I hope) a peace in this knowledge that you are all He says you are.
Bottom line: I wore the same outfit 3 times in one week because a stranger spoke to me and I now enjoy Wal-Mart for new reasons. We all want to know that someone thinks we’re beautiful/handsome (I’m always writing to girls!), but if you’ll allow God to speak to you He truly will satisfy the longings of your heart. “He says I am His own!”
*Taken from the song “All He Says I Am” by Cody Carnes
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