Confession 6: I have much to be thankful for

Many of you will be celebrating Thanksgiving this week. Which means you’ll be headed home to visit with family. You’ll be another year older and another year single when you do so. Which means that you can rest assured some family member will say something quite stupid to you. In light of this I offer the following short list of things to keep in mind.

1. A ready response

I find that often times I have no ready response to crazy questions about my being single. I was once at a missions luncheon and a pastor’s wife asked me, “Who are you here with?” Meaning, which one is your husband because clearly you couldn’t be the minister yourself (she may not have meant it this way, but I can’t say for sure). But, I responded with, “Oh, just myself.” Really, that was my answer. I’m here with myself? What does that mean?

Another time following something I shared in a meeting I was asked this question, “Did I hear you say that ‘you guys’ were in missions?” To which my brilliant response was, “No, it’s just me – I’m just one person.” Seriously, aren’t we all just one person? Did that need to be stated? These are the stupid things I say when caught off guard. So come up with your answer to, “Are you seeing someone?” or “Still single this year?” or “Did you acquire any cats this year?” prior to arrival at your aunts house.

2. Some people are just stupid

Most people ask you questions with your best interest at heart. They’ve been married forever and are happy and they want the same for you. Many don’t realize that happiness comes in all sorts of ways – in pairs and in singles – so they can’t understand how you could be happy in a way that is opposite from themselves. Down deep inside your grandma (or whoever) loves you and that’s what prompts them to ask, at inappropriate times I might add, about your dating life or lack thereof. So for these loved ones remember that there are only a few holidays a year, have your ready response on the tip of your tongue, and just be thankful that people love you and care about you. But, there are some people who just don’t have a clue nor do they understand the pain that holidays or questions about your single state bring to you. And for those people the correct response to “why are you still single” is “I don’t know why are you still stupid?”

3. A pre-written note to parents

Dear Mom and Dad: We live in America. The year is 2011. Why are you still trying to arrange a marriage for me? Leave me alone. Sincerely, Your Loving Son/Daughter.

I would like to point out that I have incredible parents who raised me to be independent and go for my dreams. They do not pester, question, nag, or ask about my singleness. I am beyond grateful for parents who love me for me and are happy for me and the life I live. Apparently, though, this is not typical. I’ve discovered over the years that most parents of single adults are pushy beyond reason. I know this because I keep meeting those people’s parents. “I have a son about your age.” Good to know.

4. You have a lot to be thankful for

Single or married, currently dating or not since the Bush administration, there are reasons to be thankful. I personally am thankful that as I’ve quoted before, “The Lord sits the lonely into families.” I’m thankful for those families that have taken me in to their homes and in to their lives. I’m thankful for friends – both single and married and married with children – that make my life rich and full. I’m thankful for my family – a mom and a dad and a sister – who support me and encourage me. I’m thankful for a Saviour who became Immanuel and who died for individuals. I’m thankful that He has a plan for my life – a plan for me (since I’m just one person!). That plan may or may not include a spouse, but it does include love. The love of a Saviour extended to me day after day.

I am blessed and I am thankful and I hope that you are too. Happy Thanksgiving!

Note: My sarcastic nature was at an all time high when writing this one so keep that in mind.

My apologies to my cat loving friends and owners no offense was intended.

Confession 5: Single and Loving It is actually Single and Dealing with It

I recently read an article about a report featured on NBC’s Today Show. The article was talking about how many women are choosing to be single and are loving it. I have chosen to be single in the same way that I choose to have the flu or choose to have a window seat on a plane. In other words – I’ve been stuck with it. (In case you’re wondering I always prefer the aisle on a plane and am saddened beyond belief when I’m by the window especially for the long haul flight, but I digress.) I don’t remember ever consciously deciding to be single, but in case that has been the misunderstanding between myself and God then I’d like to go on record immediately by saying I did not mean to choose this.

When I was in Bible College we had David Grant (a well known missionary to India) come and speak every year. Each year he would tell his story about giving God his 20’s as a single missionary. Again, I feel there might have been some slight confusion on God’s part as I actually made no similar promise. I do remember promising – begging even – to be used by God however He saw fit. I just didn’t realize what I was getting myself into. Obviously, I meant I wanted to be used by God in partnership with someone else. Who knew that I needed to be more specific in my prayers?

Jesus was asked in Matthew 19 if it was better not to marry and responded, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given.” And Paul agreed with Jesus (which in all fairness was his only option. I mean who sets himself up as a church leader and then disagrees with Jesus??) Stating in 1 Corinthians 7:7, “I wish that all men were as I am [single]. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.” These verses imply that living single is a gift. Now I don’t mean to seem ungrateful for the gifts of God but is there a way to exchange this gift? There seems to be a mistake. I didn’t put this on my list of gifts for Christmas. Did this somehow get slipped in between a new pair of jeans and a good novel? Single. I don’t remember writing that down. I didn’t ask for this!

So I don’t actually agree with Paul on this one. I don’t wish that everyone were like me (heaven help us if they were), and I don’t want this gift from God. But, there are two ways that I do identify with Paul.

1. I have found God’s grace to be more than sufficient.

In 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, Paul describes a “thorn in the flesh” without ever saying what it is. He only says that three times he asked God to take it from him and that God’s answer was simply, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I have no theological backing for this thought, but sometimes I wonder if this thorn was his singleness and subsequent loneliness. For me I would paraphrase this to read – I was given a thorn in my flesh – being single – and 357 times (last week) I asked God to take it from me but He said, “Sarah, MY grace is sufficient for you when you are lonely, when you are afraid, when you feel discouraged. It’s okay for MY grace is surrounding you.” Some even translate the word “grace” in this passage as “divine power.” God’s divine power to live with this thorn in my flesh is available when I ask. And so I ask. It is my daily prayer, “Lord, give me the grace to bear what you’ve asked me to bear.” And each day in a new way God answers this prayer.

2. I have found that I can be content in whatever marital state I find myself.

Paul says in Philippians 4:11-13, “…I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances…I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation…whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” Everything – live single, figure out how to do my taxes, get the oil changed, use a screw driver (I live a sheltered life) – everything through His strength, which again, is made perfect in my weakness. I am content with this gift that I did not ask for because it has allowed me to live out an incredible dream. I spend my life flying all over Europe working with incredible people, seeing breathtaking sites, and leading kids to Christ. There is a contentment that comes in knowing that you are in the will of God.

Am I single and loving it? Not every day. But, am I single and content and filled with the divine power and the grace of God to deal with it? Yes.