Confession 3: Lonely is different than alone

I live alone. Well, the few weeks and months that I am in my own house I live alone. Most of the year I live in other people’s homes with their families, or in dormitories, hostels, hotels, and other fascinating locations surrounded by teams of people of all ages. But, the few precious months of the year that I am in my own home I enjoy the peace and quiet that comes from living alone. I know exactly who made the mess – me. I know exactly who will clean up said mess – me. And I don’t mind if the mess stays there for a short time (I’m a little too OCD to let the mess stay for long). Living alone is good. Yet, I’m frequently asked, “Don’t you get lonely?” My thought is you mean at home when by myself? No, I’m not lonely when I am at home. In a crowd of people – say at church – now that’s a different story.

I think many of us, regardless of actual marital status, would agree with this. We can be in a crowd of people and yet feel totally alone and set apart. It can be a small thing that makes us feel this way. For single people perhaps it’s a couple holding hands or a prayer offered up thanking God for our families, but it’s just enough to remind us that we don’t completely fit in a society that revolves around families. Or so we think.

The most important truth in all of this is that while I may feel lonely from time to time I am never alone. The government census may indicate that I live alone but I know that this isn’t really the case (and no, I’m not seeing things or hearing voices). God promises that “He will never leave me nor forsake me.” Regardless of how lonely I feel God is always there. I may be home alone or feel left out and passed by in a crowd of people, but that’s different from actually being alone. That just doesn’t happen. I am so very grateful for this promise from the Lord. It’s the promise of Immanuel – God with us - all the time. In spite of my loneliness or my singleness He is always there for me, with me, in me.

I was reminded of this one night some time ago. I had been out with married friends and I was coming home in the car when I felt that wave of self pity wash over me. I thought about giving in to it for a moment – even contemplated stopping for some ice cream to go along with the huge party o’ pity I was about to throw myself – but then decided against it. Instead I began to say to myself – it’s okay, you’re not alone, God is here. And then of the 2000 or so songs that were shuffling on my iPod (I’m a little bit country; a little bit easy listening) my great uncle, Bud, came on singing an old Southern gospel song. I wasn’t really paying attention because I was concentrating on my “party” until the chorus began, “I will never walk alone, He holds my hand. He will guide each step I take and if I fall I know He’ll understand.” I love it when God speaks so clearly.

There’s a difference between being lonely and being alone. I’ll never truly be alone and what’s more the God of the universe holds my hand.